bribes

On March 25, 2017, a splendid group of Steampunkers (collective noun yet to be settled upon) assembled at Cuba Dupa in Dixon St, Wellington, to Splendidly Race Teapots (STR). The race occurred after a very spectacular and noisy parade from Ghuznee St down Cuba Mall to the racing arena. This marvellous Steampunk event was organised by the awesome members of Capital! Steam and extra race track pieces were purloined from Steampunk Taranaki.

The combined obstacles resulted in the nose hair withering double Ramp of Doom making its first appearance, yes, you heard it correctly the DOUBLE Ramp of Doom (DRoD). The DRoD was a darsedly and devious adaptation to the wacky races and caused a considerable amount of consternation (especially in the middle bit).

Making its first grand appearance was Capital! Steams Victoria’s Bells a stunning little number made by the talented Martyn and succeeded in snagging a few rigs – the ones that attempted U-turns. Making a significant impression on the Captain and I was, Steampunk Taranaki’s wibbly wobbly bridge with the additional reminder of danger, a Monty Pythonesque skeleton at the base. So enamoured with the potential of this obstacle, that, the Captain and I are in serious negotiations to recreate this for Oamaru.

There are some standout honourable mentions of peculiar antics in a spectacular day of fun and frivolity, notably the spectators who enjoyed all the usual thrills and spills of STR. An estimated 1000 people of the 100,000 strong crowd stopped and viewed the racing, we very much congested the street.

Professor Phoenicea Carwardine and I enjoyed first-rate bribery which was again of a superb standard. The Steam Mahouts did themselves proudly and provided the very best Royal Darjeeling sweet tea and sweets. There were lashings of chocolate, quince pears and assorted shiny bits, all very much appreciated. Some bribes were essential, especially to cover up such unexpected events such as heads rolling off…..

JC Hortense — Hortense St George – who lost her head! ( the tea pot not the driver) – photo credit Jane Craven

The stand out contraption of the day, complete with mini me was, of course, Kat Douglas’ Splendid mobility device, the Katmobile. While the Katmobile (the larger) disgraced its self in an attempt to manoeuvre on the course, the mini-me clone did not. In the skilled hands of Neave R Willoughby, mini-me performed quite satisfactorily.

Neave Willoughby in the Katmobile, attempting the course while the judges were not looking! Photo credit – Jane Craven

The good Colonel Hawthorne driving the Snark Cooker took some obstacles with him for a small drive. The professor and I were momentarily worried that this would result in a disqualification for breaching height restrictions but breathed a collective sigh of relief as the “Snark” unhooked itself and emerged unscathed.

The valiant Captain Various also rearranged the Chasm of Death on the course, but as co-inventor of STR, we thought he could take liberties. However Snoopy didn’t like the wibbly wobbly bridge.

Special mention to the splendid efforts of our younger drivers who totally embodied the spirit of Splendid Teapot Racing – Huzzah!

The SuccessfulCandidates 2017

(VOUCHER Clockwork Steampunk Emporium) Most entertaining: Spencer – Driver: Prof. Joules Ampere, Steampunk Taranaki

(VOUCHER Clockwork Steampunk Emporium) Best racing round: Ateapotosaurus traxas wellingtonia – Driver: Lord Edmund, Wellington

Most splendid: Pavel Peacock – Driver: Lady Watsonia Victorious! Ohms, Steampunk Taranaki

Most splendid teapot: Elliot-Hawthorne Snark-Cooker – Driver: Colonel Hawthorne, Capital! Steampunk

Best Bribes: Royal Darjeeling Express – Driver: Steam Mahouts, Capital! Steampunk

Best driver: Hank the Tankpot – Driver: Lord Theadore Rupert Beardaton, Steampunk Taranaki

Best under 20: Ulster Fusion – Driver: Colonial Boy, Wellington

Best Themed Teapot: Mini Pot – Driver: Neave R. Willoughby, Steampunk Christchurch

Colonel’s Award for Splendidness:

Orion, Greytown

Colonel’s Award for Teapot Sheepdog Trials: Lord Edmund, Wellington

All in all a splendid day. Thank you

The 2014 inaugural Splendid Teapot Race was also where the very first much appreciated judge’s bribe occurred. This was from Krakens Lair and unfortunately their performance was so inexcusable that even the bribe did not make up for it! How ever, if there was (not really) any blame to be laid, Krakens Lair would have to be responsible.I am jolly glad they did, we do encourage this sort of behaviour and extra points are awarded for ingenuity, originality, general silliness and importance to me of the bribe.

For me chocolate scores very highly as does original prose, handmade items and clever items of ingenuity. The aim for a bribe is not to be expensive or an exclusive bauble or bottles of wine. If the bribe fits in with the general theme of the team then all the better. I have received Land Deeds to Cities, poems, shiny bits of brass and copper handy stuff, bacon and egg pie and short bread. Did I mention chocolate?

The aim again is about fun and participation and a bit of performance. The best performance that we had was at Cuba Dupa February 2015 and the ATC Mark 1 Family Team from Lower Hutt recited a Decree and presented the judges with shortbread.

Their rig was rather spectacular it was a tank style , it had a turret that spun around, with a teapot on top. The tank had a trailer with a tea cup and saucer and for the grand finale the tank erected itself and the teapot would pour a cup of tea. How is that for ingenuity – it is no wonder they received the certificate for excellence.

So in a nutshell Bribes are meant to be fun and light hearted- a bit of koha (gift of appreciation) for the mahi (work) the organiser / judge puts in to bring this event to you.

Cuba Dupa 2017

Judges Bribes – a Fine Art